Over and over again

I still miss you .. every stinken day . <|3

Mhm . So .. Easter .. Hate it . absolutely hate it. But this year noone has died yet, which is nice. :)
But Well. School sucks, the homework is a little over the top at this moment, our terms is up this week, and that's alway a bummer. I'm tired of my classmates, my teachers .. everything. So I'm looking forward to the end of it.
But I am sure I'll make it. :), only 28 days of school left !

I turn 20 this month ... uuuuuh . then I'm no longer a teen. Funny . :p .Me and my friend is celebreating it by getting a tattoo each ! ;D . on may 9th . I am so exited !!

I have also made my mind up about when I'm going to move , which is nice. It helps to have a deatline . :) .
Other than that, I really can't say nothing much has happened :)

Change of plans

First of all: IDIOT !!!!!! So what now? You're not even man enough to answer my message. I don't get you. the way you just trash me. But, Mr. Willems, I just hope you're happy. And I hope you one day will learn to be a better friend.

Sorry. Just had to get it out. All right. So it has been a while .
But, first off, I'm better. I am feeling better - in general - then I have been for a long long time.
It is a relaese to be able to breathe a little better than before. And I hope I can keep it up.
But . The future. I had all these naive plans about how I was suppose to add a few subejcts to my high school graduation, and then apply to medicin at the University of Chopenhagen. But well. I'm not smart enough, So I have spend the last couple of days being angry, being sad.
But now, I am beginning to put a new plan together. Hopefully I won't have to have my dreams shattered again.

Other than that, I have decided I'm going to get a tatto . and THAT I look forward to ! ;)
And I have about 44 days of school left before the eksams begins .. and then I'm done !

Lair ..

C: "You do this everytime! EVERYTIME! What do you have some kind of redar?! 'I might be happy so it is time to sweep in and shit all over it?!'
B:"What ? .. No. No , Look I came here to tell you something. I made a mistake. You and I.. "
C: "YOU AND I NOTHING !! You cannot do this to me again! You cannot jerk me around!"
B: "Listen.. It is different!"
C: "Oh ! It is never different! SIX years of never being different! But this is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number, in fact, forget you know my name!"


And then you come around again ! AGIAN ! and tell me this, agian?!. You know what. Screw you.
I am done waiting for you to change! I cannot go through this agian ! I won't let you do this to me again !
I love you, but I can't anymore !

I'm done.

So .. I have actually had an awesome day today. Okay, sure I could have done without the eglinsh essay, but that is just a part of it. The part where I was at the school was all right. Kinda nice to see the most of their faces again considering is has been almost a week since last time..
And work was sort of nice. All right, we could have needed a few more to take care of the people , but it went okey . We had fun . :) .
And Maria came by . Oh , I miss her so much . <3
And then, when we left from work, something entirely new happened to me .. The people who work as to look after we don't steal came by . WAW ! never had that one happen before . Most of us thought they were an urban myth ;) .

But . I am fighting inside. With my dreams for the future. And my parents so don't get me. and they treat me like .. argh .. It is frustrating ! And I'm done. I am done with living at home. I need to get out of here. I love them so much, but. I can't anymore.
But besides that , I have had a good day :)

...

I am lonely.

Time

When the coulds disasppear from you sight, and you are blinded by the atmosphere you're in, what do you do then? Adjust. Always adjust.
The onces who adjusts the best is the onces who survive the longest.
But it isn't just our eyes there needs adjusting. It is our minds. Our feelings. Our expectations. Our dreams.
And it is not always we succeed in adjusting.
Sometimes, the very sight of light is enough for us to stop walking at all. But we have to handle our battles. The good and the bad. The once we choose ourselves and the onces who chooses us. But when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifce can turn out to be more then we can bear.
Adjusting takes sacrifices. The thing we gotta remember is that even though we fight like hell to survive, to adjust the twists and turns in life, we always seems to get out on the other side. And even when we have lost so much we lie down and scream the pain away from our wounds, we get through. We just need to give ourselves the time to heal.
To begin to sing again. And some of us needs more time to learn how to adjust new situations than others. But we have to take - and give - time.
Because, no good can comes from forcing people to adjust without giving them the chance to adjust every aspect of them selves in the process. It leaves us broken. Misunderstood. Caged inside a world we never got to understand.
It hurts when we have to reconsider our dreams and expectations. So how do we adjust?
Time. Time to find the answer. Time to lick our wounds. Time to find something else to hold onto. Time to get back up. And time to be greatful for the end of our lastest attempt to adjust. Time to dance our pain away. Time to cry. Time to think. And time to be happy again.

And I need time. Time to figure out what to do with the lastest turn in my life. Time to think about my dreams. Time to learn how to let someone new inside again. Time. Time to fly. And time to get back up when I hit the ground head on.

So tragic is it funny.

Okey . Best thing ever to get a visit by your BFF . It was .. amazing.
We talked, and laughed, and talked and laughed , and .. oh ! it was just what I needed !
It has been a long time since I've laughed myself to sleep. But we could not stop it.
Everything was .. SO funny .
Tragic, but funny . Diseases, boys, family, school, hurt feelings and a lot of tears .. We laughed it out ! We did go all izzie on our problems asses !

And Today I have been home alone all evening , and it is sooooooo nice ! I am dancing around in our living room, to the loudest music ever played in our house, and I sing along - and it sound so bad, but funny, that I can't stop .
And life still sucks, but today I laugh and dance all of it out !

I need a day more where the world can take care of it self . Please .
I might need to go back to reality tomorrow, but right now, I live .

The world is evil, and cold, and unfair, and diseases shouldn't extist !!! I am here, right here if you need me !