...

I am lonely.

Time

When the coulds disasppear from you sight, and you are blinded by the atmosphere you're in, what do you do then? Adjust. Always adjust.
The onces who adjusts the best is the onces who survive the longest.
But it isn't just our eyes there needs adjusting. It is our minds. Our feelings. Our expectations. Our dreams.
And it is not always we succeed in adjusting.
Sometimes, the very sight of light is enough for us to stop walking at all. But we have to handle our battles. The good and the bad. The once we choose ourselves and the onces who chooses us. But when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifce can turn out to be more then we can bear.
Adjusting takes sacrifices. The thing we gotta remember is that even though we fight like hell to survive, to adjust the twists and turns in life, we always seems to get out on the other side. And even when we have lost so much we lie down and scream the pain away from our wounds, we get through. We just need to give ourselves the time to heal.
To begin to sing again. And some of us needs more time to learn how to adjust new situations than others. But we have to take - and give - time.
Because, no good can comes from forcing people to adjust without giving them the chance to adjust every aspect of them selves in the process. It leaves us broken. Misunderstood. Caged inside a world we never got to understand.
It hurts when we have to reconsider our dreams and expectations. So how do we adjust?
Time. Time to find the answer. Time to lick our wounds. Time to find something else to hold onto. Time to get back up. And time to be greatful for the end of our lastest attempt to adjust. Time to dance our pain away. Time to cry. Time to think. And time to be happy again.

And I need time. Time to figure out what to do with the lastest turn in my life. Time to think about my dreams. Time to learn how to let someone new inside again. Time. Time to fly. And time to get back up when I hit the ground head on.

So tragic is it funny.

Okey . Best thing ever to get a visit by your BFF . It was .. amazing.
We talked, and laughed, and talked and laughed , and .. oh ! it was just what I needed !
It has been a long time since I've laughed myself to sleep. But we could not stop it.
Everything was .. SO funny .
Tragic, but funny . Diseases, boys, family, school, hurt feelings and a lot of tears .. We laughed it out ! We did go all izzie on our problems asses !

And Today I have been home alone all evening , and it is sooooooo nice ! I am dancing around in our living room, to the loudest music ever played in our house, and I sing along - and it sound so bad, but funny, that I can't stop .
And life still sucks, but today I laugh and dance all of it out !

I need a day more where the world can take care of it self . Please .
I might need to go back to reality tomorrow, but right now, I live .

The world is evil, and cold, and unfair, and diseases shouldn't extist !!! I am here, right here if you need me !

Pointless .

Okay .. Another week has gone.
And what have we learned from that? That life is wired and totally unfair!?
Oh .. No , wait, I already knew that. Wensday and Thursday last week were .. well .. I decided not to go to school. And it was just what I needed. Freetime. And jet again I worked another weekend away .. again.
And I am still struggeling with my brutal start on my year , but it is getting better.

But this weekend is going to be great ! ;D . Thilde is comming down, and we are planning to get wasted while we're watching Grey's anatomy . I hope it is going to cheer things up a bit .

I believe that it is important to tell the people you love, how much you love them, while they can hear you. So I love you:
Mathilde , Zindy , Trine , Rebekka , Laura & my beloved family ! <3

Crap.

Okay. I'm not saying that life is suppose to be easy, but is it suppose to be this hard?
Last year really did suck. A lot ! And so far this year is little better .
I am hopeful though. Is has only been half a month and somethings gotta give along the way.
I have changed. or lost to much or whatnot, but I gave gained so much more.
If you are like the most people I know, you give until it hurts .. and then you give some more.
What's that saying? "Why do I keep hitting my self with a hammer?" - Because it feels SO good when I stop !

Okay , School. I've only got, like ... 80 schooldays left and then it's finals. Which is AWSOME ! . There's still ALL of the borring nonsense the teachers for some reason still drags us through, but i've just gotten an asignment which ROCKS ! - we are to do some grafic design. and I LOVE IT already .

I've only got little else to report. I love you Mathilde Hansen <3

Grief

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.
And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.
By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.
Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can.
The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.